Move & Play

I was up especially early the other morning and my youngest child took the liberty of turning on the television. Since I couldn't find anything for myself (slim pickings at 5am, even on HBO) we were watching Noggin. They were in this "move & play" theme I'm assuming to get kids up and away from the television. If it were up to me, those little jingles would turn off the t.v. all together. (Can you tell it's early and I'm tired and cranky?) However, since that doesn't happen, I'm stuck watching Dora "move & play."
While participating in a soccer game, Dora does a great job and scores a goal. The crowd goes wild! Her family goes wild! Then I noticed her family is cheering for her while sitting on the couch in front of the t.v. in the comfort of their living room. Why weren't they at the game? I suppose there could have been plenty of reasons, but still I wonder. Equally important is that if we as parents don't get up to "move & play" ( or to watch our kids play a soccer game) they won't see the need to get up and move either and then we are really failing them!

Cooking Times May Vary

And so does the amount of time we have in a day to cook.
I'm not trying to emulate either June Cleaver or my mother, but I do believe in a couple of things: making one meal for the whole family for dinner, feeding my kids healthy food for dinner, and feeding them (or at least trying to) before they are so hungry and have so many snacks that dinner is wasted.
This all presents a challenge. I suppose I could just feed my kids chicken nuggets and hot dogs and make things easier on all of us but then what kind of habits am I creating for my kids? We have an all time high obesity rate in this country and cheap fast food is partially to blame. In my opinion time and energy are also to blame. Who has the energy to cook a full meal at the end of a full day with kids? I don't always have the energy and not even always the desire. I've said before the trick is to plan ahead and while that also takes work, it does help and does make a difference at the end of the day. In the summer, I have an added bonus- my husband likes to grill. We've finally gotten to the point where I can prep ahead (something interesting and other than hot dogs and hamburgers) and he will just follow the cooking instructions I give him.
Last night we made Huli-Huli chicken. It's apparently a very common Hawaiian meal and as it turns out pretty easy to make according to the recipe in June/July 2009 issue of Cook's Country magazine. Here's what I liked about it. The recipe uses a whole cut up chicken (very inexpensive to buy at the store compared to something like boneless, skinless breasts), a brine (to tenderize and flavor), a glaze that can be made ahead of time and basically just sits on the stove, and then really easy grilling for 20-25 miutes per side that someone else does. :) At leaset in my case.
The meal turned out great. My kitchen wasn't a total mess after dinner. Lucky for us- this meal also works out really well for guests as it's very low maintenance for both prepping and cooking with great flavor. I had some leftover sauce (which will keep refrigerated for 3 days) that I'm sure to ue on something else over the long weekend. My thanks again to the people at Cook's Country and America's Test Kitchen for making my life easier and the food I feed my kids healthy.

My Sobering Secret. | Mommy Track'd

My Sobering Secret. | Mommy Track'd.

I read this essay today because the title from the Motherlode intrigued me. First I have to say that I love Stephanie Wilder-Taylor's humor and writing. Second, I've read her first two books and laughed out loud. Third, when sharing this with my mother, and the title of another book- If you Give a Mom a Martini- I said, "It's amazing that there is such a theme of drinking in the world of mothers and parenting books." I suppose I shouldn't be surprised- it feels great to "tie one on" sometimes at the end of a day and just get numb. However, I learned early on that the hangover the next day just isn't worth it. Especially if the next day is a Tuesday.
Taylor's reason for her drinking is simple- motherhood. There is NOTHING that prepares us for motherhood and the drastic change that occurs in our lives when we go from woman to mother. There are very few people who are not mothers who understand what it's like when within a few days, or a week, or two weeks after giving birth your husband goes back to work and his life returns mostly to normal and we are at home with an infant who we do not know, no friends, and a tremendous lack of sleep. It's a very lonely and difficult time.
Think about it- we have 12 years of elementary school and 4 years of college to prepare for a career where as girls and women we are told we can do anything we want to do, be anything we want to be. We are given 9 months to "prepare" for motherhood but since pregnancy and motherhood are TOTALLY different we really only get between 2 and 4 days in the hospital. See anything wrong with this picture? I don't blame Ms. Taylor at all. I'd like to blame society but I wouldn't even know where to start. Women have been the primary caregivers for kids for thousands of years and yet we have not found a better way to make the adjustment to the massive change that we must embrace.
I love being a mother and I love my kids but I am imperfectly human. I understand Ms. Taylor's position and her need to admit that she has a problem in order to fix that problem. I admire her honesty and I understand her need to share with her online community to get the support she needs even if she doesn't know her supporters personally. Motherhood is difficult, but it's a job we will have for the rest of our lives and our children depend on us to be the best we can be for them and for ourselves. Some days that means knowing when to each out for help.

That Was Awesome!

I am just now, about 24 hours late, watching the preview of the new moon trailer during the MTV Movie Awards. First, I have to say that I'm thankful for Tivo and the new director of the movie! I knew that after being at the pool with friends on Sunday, and enjoying a couple of cocktails, I would miss the awards. So, tonight in the peace and quiet of my living room in my own time, I got to see it. I plan to rewind and watch again. And again. It's what I like to call Mommy entertainment.

I would imagine that there are many people who would wonder what an educated 38 year old mom is doing watching the new moon trailer over and over. The Twilight series is supposed to capture the hearts and attention of the teenagers- right? When I first started reading Twilight I didn't think much of that question. (I had been a follower of Anne Rice and loved Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt in Interview with a Vampire.) My niece had recommended Twilight and as it was it took me a while to get started reading it. This seemed like a fun, mindless piece of reading. I was so off. About 50 pages into the book, I was sucked in never to leave. It was a while before I stopped reading long enough to wonder what the appeal of the book was and why 30 something moms were so hooked.

I, and several of my girlfriends, entered what we call Edward's world. Why? I'm not sure. I certainly don't want to relive the high school drama that I already survived. But there was something about the magic and fantasy of living among vampires and a girl like Bella who so plain and simple in her own mind was so strong to the rest of us. Maybe it's her strength that we admire because as adults many of us are still trying to find it. Maybe it's the memory and thrill of first love. Maybe it's just the opportunity to live life vicariously through someone else for those few minutes in a day when we finally get a chance to sit down and stop thinking. In truth, I think it's a little bit of everything. High school love with a happy ending. Finding strength in places we didn't know we had it. Memories of the passion of new love.

I can't live in the fantasy and I have plenty to keep me grounded each day. Three adorable kids who keep me busy. A ton of laundry that never seems to fold itself. A husband who I look forward to having some alone time with on the weekends because weekdays are just too busy. That's my reality. Forks, WA is my fantasy. A little fantasy can go a long way. I love losing myself in the world of a book. Or even a movie trailer. I'll watch the trailer for new moon one more time before going to bed. It was awesome!

Best Friends

"How do the the bra sizes in the UK work and how big are YOUR BOOBS!? These are the kinds of questions you can only ask your best friends without offending someone. Other questions I have asked in my lifetime to only my best friends were, " What would an uncircumcised penis look like?" and "What would a threesome be like?"

Best friends are the way we get through middle school, high school, college, weddings, and new babies. I was having lunch with two of my best friends (who I haven't seen in 6 months) and it was like we saw each other yesterday. Together, we have 30 years of friendship, 3 husbands, 5 kids, and one baby on the way.

Motherhood brings with it a new family dynamic, sleepless nights, endless joy, and more than ever the need for friends. An opportunity to say what you think and how you feel without being judged is what we all need in those first days, months, and even years. Sugar coating and believing in the la-la land of the commercials doesn't do anyone any good. So, when my best friend is preparing to have her first baby, I have no problem telling her that the beginning sucks and that in all likelihood she will be carrying most of the burden of raising her new child. Whether she goes back to work or not.

Best friends are a gift and I love mine. Who else would listen to me when I say that bath time is not all that fun until your kids are old enough to take showers on their own?

Should parents pay a fine if their kid misbehaves in school? - Parental Guidance - Amber Watson-Tardiff - NJ.com

Should parents pay a fine if their kid misbehaves in school? - Parental Guidance - Amber Watson-Tardiff - NJ.com

Parents should definitely be held responsible for their child's behavior in school. I've often thought (and heard) that kids are better behaved in school than at home, so my question is this- if kids are so misbehaved in school, what are they like at home? I'll admit, I'm not a perfect parent, but I will only tolerate so much before implementing a heavier than usual hand with my kids. They need to learn respect from someone, somewhere and if it's not the parents, then where is it supposed to come from?

One parent commented in this article that she's too tired to deal with her kids. We're all tired. I've been tired for 7 years, but that doesn't mean that I get to "dump" my kids behavior on someone else. How can teachers be effective if they have to be the primary disciplinarian too? There needs to be order in a classroom for kids to learn and that has to start with promoting order in the home. There are days where the last thing I want to deal with is reinforcing the need for good behavior, but that's my job. Even if I were working outside the home all day, and not seeing my kids until 6pm, it's still my job to make sure that they are raised well.

In the end, my feeling is that if parents will only listen and take responsibility for their kids once hit "where it hurts" (like the checkbook) then so be it. Sometimes parents need a little discipline too.

Confession is good for the soul

or so the saying goes. In the case of moms today confession helps but I do believe here is more to this puzzle than just confession. It's the loneliness that we often face as new moms that drives us to do certain things. In the video that opened on the Today Show on April 16 (see article here:Maternal sin: Moms confess their secrets - Working Mom's Guide there are funny, questionable, and heart wrenching true stories of motherhood and the challenges we face. True Mom Confessions was born out of one mother's need for an outlet and the realization that we all need an outlet and perhaps family is not quite the right outlet.

My outlet has almost always been friends. It's not their fault, but husbands, partners, and our mothers just do not understand. A few weeks ago I had a long conversation (well, several long conversations) with a friend who had found herself unexpectedly pregnant with her third child. She didn't know where to turn or who else to talk to, so she called me. We discussed the blessings and challenges of having a third child. At the end of the conversation, she still wasn't sure what to do about it, but said she felt better. Within two days the roller coaster ride she was on took one of those upside down flips at lightning speed and she felt as thought she was spinning out of control with out the seat belt. It turned out that her pregnancy was ectopic. Another wave of emotions. Almost immediately after the "happy" shock of being pregnant came the inevitable sadness of a loss.

While we spoke, I said that if it were a hundred years ago and we were having this discussion while washing clothes in the river I'd stop what I was doing and give her a hug and tell her I was there for her. All I could do was send a hug via cell phone. We agreed that the village is missing. In our harried lives, we are missing that very important network of friends who understand and want to help. Who can help just by listening ,something my friend's mother and sister were not able to do.

There seem to be a myriad of new books and popular web sites and blogs out there recognizing the honest struggles of mothers today. Are the struggles any different from what they were when we were kids? Lifestyles are different- yes we are busier, but I think just in a different way. My mother often tells me how easy it was when I was little- a group of moms would get together and all drop the kids at one person's house and everyone else would go off and play tennis. This way, everyone got a turn to babysit and everyone got a turn to play tennis. I have to say, I'm not sure that as a new mother I would have wanted to watch 5 other kids- handling my own was enough. Even if it meant some free time to myself. At the same time, if a friend of mine is watching 5 other kids, how well is she watching mine? Instead, we now take our kids to gym, swim, or music classes for group stimulation and something to keep us busy during what can otherwise be a very long, lonely day.

I found my sanity in my first friend. I finally had someone who I could confess to (I never hoped the dog would get the vomit, or pushed my kids over while they were learning to walk) but at least I could complain to someone who might also have had a recent bad night's sleep and who understood. At the time, having an online community would have been great, but 7 years ago, it was not what it is now. I needed the village no matter how small it was , and believe me it was small! For a long time.

I think we still need the live village, not just so we can spew after a bad day, but so we can support and share. The most important thing, whether you are confessing or just talking, is having someone to listen so you do not feel alone. Sharing is ok, but be careful for who's listening. The proper audience is paramount to the "succcess" of the confession.